Day 19: Something You Regret
Geez. These topics are sort of hard. I try not to regret anything...but there are a few, well really just one thing that I keep repeating.
I hate that I get emotionally attached to guys. It drives me crazy. If I find one even the slightest bit attractive we can't be friends. It just won't work. Well. I take that back. I can be friends with them..but if they flirt with me and make me believe they like me it's over. I just invest too much in them.
I love people and I care about them. I care about all of my friends but I seem to get more emotionally attached and ultimately hurt by my male ones.
It's my fault, I know it is. I'm not blaming them at all, it's not their fault..they're doing what guys do and what they'd do with any other girl.
It's my fault that I don't take what they say at face value. When they say "we're just friends" that's exactly what they mean. Even if they flirt and whatnot, in their head we're only going to be friends, end of story. But in my head I'm thinking "if I just be funny enough and show them I care enough then we'll be more, I know it." Nope...it's never..ever...happened that way.
This statement [about emotional attachment] is also true for the one guy I gave everything to. Not EVERYTHING...but emotionally, it was everything I had. That was one of the stupidest things I've ever done. He was exactly what I didn't need in my life but I didn't care. He adored me and I adored him and that's the way it was. I don't know if there was anything on Earth that could have stopped that train once it left the station. I do regret that.
I hope that by the time my husband gets here I'll have stopped this stupidity and have something to give to him.
I wish I didn't care so much for people, life would be easier if I was selfish twirp.
Oh, Jenny. Thank you so much for posting this. I thought I was the only person who felt this way :-)
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