You'll Be In My Heart

Day 8: A Moment

Well. This is a hard topic..I've had quite a few moments in my life, I'm not sure which one to choose.

In a moment you can:
ruin a friendship
make someone's day
tear someone down
fall in love
die
accept Jesus as your Saviour
conceive a child
make a new friend
make a decision that could change your life forever...good or bad
miss an opportunity

and the list goes on and on.

The moment I choose to tell you about is one where I finally made a good decision in regards to the person from Day 2.

A few months ago..maybe June..I have no idea, I found out that this guy now has a child.
I decided then and there that I'm done with him.
Yes, like I've said before, I still love him.
He'll always be in my heart [haha like that song from Tarzan] but I no longer have romantic feelings for him.
He has baggage that I can't deal with.
You're probably thinking "so you're not going to be with a guy because he has a kid". No. That's not it at all.
I was talking to a good friend tonight, [whom I didn't mention in Day 6 but I totally should have, I'm sorry my week has been NUTS and my head isn't screwed on straight] and she pointed out that HE walked away. HE chose that lifestyle for himself. I never once walked away from him. I never gave up on him, like he expected me to, it was all HIM.
On top of that, I don't want to deal with that child's mother for the rest of my life. I know what she's like and I like to enjoy life, I don't want the rest of it to be miserable.
That was a big deal for me.
I don't let go easily at all. If I'm your friend you're pretty much stuck with me for life. :)
I love like no one you've ever known.
Friendships are all or nothing for me.
To walk away from that..[even though there was really nothing there because he'd walked away a looong time ago]..was a huge deal for me. To say "ok. I'm done, that's the last straw, I can't take anymore. If he comes back again he'll just have to keep steppin" was something I never thought I'd do. He's had quite a few "last straws" I'm just bad at not refilling the container. :)
I think in that one moment I grew leaps and bounds.
I freed myself of a poisonous hold the devil had on my life. I severed all ties and I'm better for it.
Of course I still love him, and care for him, and pray for him, but things with him will never ever be the same again.
And finally, for the first time in my life, I'm ok with that.